Conflict poses complex challenges for interpersonal communication and relationships. Parental expectations, power differ
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 11:29 am
Conflict poses complex challenges for interpersonalcommunication and relationships. Parental expectations, powerdifferences between generations, and the emotional connectionswithin families can make matters even more complex. To understandhow you might competently manage such a relationship challenge,read the case study in Part 2; then, drawing on all you know aboutinterpersonal communication, work through the problem-solving modelin Part 3.
Case Study
Your parents are old school in their views of parental power:they believe that children should always show deference to elders.Although you’re still in college, your brother, Sanjay, is mucholder and has a family of his own, including a teenage son, Devdas.You have always gotten along well with Devdas, but he has recentlybeen going through a rebellious phase in which he shows littlerespect for adults, including you. During a recent visit, Devdaswas sprawled on the sofa all afternoon, playing video games on thebig screen. You asked if you could watch a movie, and he snapped,“Find your own &*$%# TV!” You did not mention this incident tothe rest of your family in order to avoid escalating the issue.
Your parents decide to spend a week with Sanjay and his family.You’re nervous because your mother delights in picking on Devdasabout his hair, clothing, and music, and given Devdas’s recentattitude, you’re afraid he may strike back. Sure enough, toward theend of the week, you get a phone call from your mother, telling youthat she and your father ended their visit early and that shewishes no further contact with your brother or his family. She saysthat Devdas “swore at her for no reason at all.” She says, “I haveno interest in associating with children who behave like that.”Shortly after, you get a text from your brother. He says that yourmother is delusional and “made the whole thing up.” When you askwhether Devdas might have sworn at your mom, your brother firesback, “Absolutely not! Devdas doesn’teven know such words!!!” Since you weren’t awitness to the encounter, you try to stay neutral.
As the weeks go by, the rift deepens. Devdas refuses to talkabout the issue at all, even with you or his parents. Your motherrefuses contact with her grandson until he “admits hiswrongdoing!”
Now, with the holidays approaching, you receive an e-mail fromyour parents. They demand that you side with them, saying, “If youcontinue to support Devdas in this shameful matter, we will beforced to rethink our financial support for your education.”Sitting down at your computer, you write back a message.
Think about all you’ve learned thus far about interpersonalcommunication. Then work through the following five steps.Remember, there are no “right” answers, so think hard about what isthe best choice, based on our reading in thetext.
Helpful Concepts:
Power Principles
Collaboratively Managing conflict
Critiquing your perceptions and attributions
Self-awareness
Unresolvable conflicts
Three Sentences Each per answers.
Step 1: Reflect on yourself.
What are your thoughts and feelings in this situation? Whatattributions are you making about your mother, Devdas, and theirbehavior? Are your attributions accurate? Why or why not?
Step 2: Reflect on your partner.
Using perspective-taking and empathic concern, put yourself inyour mother’s shoes. Do the same for Devdas. What are they thinkingand feeling in this situation?
Step 3: Identify the optimal outcome.
Think about all the information you have about yourcommunication and relationships with both your mother and Devdas.Consider your own feelings as well as theirs. Given all thesefactors, what’s the best, most constructive relationship outcomepossible? Consider what’s best for you and for your mother andDevdas.
Step 4: Locate the roadblocks.
Taking into consideration your own thoughts and feelings, thoseof your mother and Devdas, and all that has happened in thissituation, what obstacles are keeping you from achieving theoptimal outcome?
Step 5: Chart your course.
How might you respond to your mother to overcome the roadblocksyou’ve identified and achieve your optimal outcome?
Case Study
Your parents are old school in their views of parental power:they believe that children should always show deference to elders.Although you’re still in college, your brother, Sanjay, is mucholder and has a family of his own, including a teenage son, Devdas.You have always gotten along well with Devdas, but he has recentlybeen going through a rebellious phase in which he shows littlerespect for adults, including you. During a recent visit, Devdaswas sprawled on the sofa all afternoon, playing video games on thebig screen. You asked if you could watch a movie, and he snapped,“Find your own &*$%# TV!” You did not mention this incident tothe rest of your family in order to avoid escalating the issue.
Your parents decide to spend a week with Sanjay and his family.You’re nervous because your mother delights in picking on Devdasabout his hair, clothing, and music, and given Devdas’s recentattitude, you’re afraid he may strike back. Sure enough, toward theend of the week, you get a phone call from your mother, telling youthat she and your father ended their visit early and that shewishes no further contact with your brother or his family. She saysthat Devdas “swore at her for no reason at all.” She says, “I haveno interest in associating with children who behave like that.”Shortly after, you get a text from your brother. He says that yourmother is delusional and “made the whole thing up.” When you askwhether Devdas might have sworn at your mom, your brother firesback, “Absolutely not! Devdas doesn’teven know such words!!!” Since you weren’t awitness to the encounter, you try to stay neutral.
As the weeks go by, the rift deepens. Devdas refuses to talkabout the issue at all, even with you or his parents. Your motherrefuses contact with her grandson until he “admits hiswrongdoing!”
Now, with the holidays approaching, you receive an e-mail fromyour parents. They demand that you side with them, saying, “If youcontinue to support Devdas in this shameful matter, we will beforced to rethink our financial support for your education.”Sitting down at your computer, you write back a message.
Think about all you’ve learned thus far about interpersonalcommunication. Then work through the following five steps.Remember, there are no “right” answers, so think hard about what isthe best choice, based on our reading in thetext.
Helpful Concepts:
Power Principles
Collaboratively Managing conflict
Critiquing your perceptions and attributions
Self-awareness
Unresolvable conflicts
Three Sentences Each per answers.
Step 1: Reflect on yourself.
What are your thoughts and feelings in this situation? Whatattributions are you making about your mother, Devdas, and theirbehavior? Are your attributions accurate? Why or why not?
Step 2: Reflect on your partner.
Using perspective-taking and empathic concern, put yourself inyour mother’s shoes. Do the same for Devdas. What are they thinkingand feeling in this situation?
Step 3: Identify the optimal outcome.
Think about all the information you have about yourcommunication and relationships with both your mother and Devdas.Consider your own feelings as well as theirs. Given all thesefactors, what’s the best, most constructive relationship outcomepossible? Consider what’s best for you and for your mother andDevdas.
Step 4: Locate the roadblocks.
Taking into consideration your own thoughts and feelings, thoseof your mother and Devdas, and all that has happened in thissituation, what obstacles are keeping you from achieving theoptimal outcome?
Step 5: Chart your course.
How might you respond to your mother to overcome the roadblocksyou’ve identified and achieve your optimal outcome?